Summer Winemakers' Smackdown!
A True Story
Crying something about "There's no poetic justice!", Roman Roth tried to sit still on the handlebars of Louisa Hargrave's three speed bike, as she chauffeured him down the bumpy part of Sound Avenue. Roman's team, assembled by the International Smackdown Union, featuring Spanish Smackdown master Miguel Martin, and the French sensation, Pascal Zugmeyer, had just gone down in straight sets to an upstart audience team. The burgundy colored stretch limo Roman and his teammates arrived in had been commandeered by Michael Gorton, Alan Wax, and Jared Skolnick, who "won" the event by nailing two wines right on the money. Rumor was that they were headed for Hooters with a bottle of the 2008 Red Hook Winery's "Joe's Tears", one of the wines they recognized that the two professional teams didn't. "Ahhh, Roman, you have to look at this as a learning experience" said Louisa, as she hugged the shoulder with her aqua green Schwinn, trying to avoid a passing Escalade. "If it doesn't kill you, it will make you stronger."
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Roman wasn't interested in being stronger. He'd just returned from Europe with Martin and Zugmeyer, where they captured the European Smackdown Championship in the same room at the Paris InterContinental Hotel where the now famous Judgment of Paris was held in 1976. Roth, Martin, and Zugmeyer (Zuggie, to his friends) are celebrities in Bordeaux, perhaps even bigger in Germany, but tonight they were thrown by powerful wines from California. "I'm just worried I'm going to lose my endorsement deals" lamented Martin. "My daughter gets such a kick out of the Rioja commercial where I jump out of a wine bottle."
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Back under the tent at Roanoke, Michael Cinque was fending off reporters questions about the great unfulfilled promise of his East End team that had trained for months on dirt fields, sometimes forced to use scuffed juice glasses in lieu of Reidel stemware, and working with a budget that was stressed by Glen Ellen Chardonnay. "We still have our honor, and besides, I'm appealing the judge's decision tonight. Taber declared US the winners!" he insisted. Almost unnoticed, the third East End team member (and Smackdown Hall-of-Famer), Chris Tracy, quietly climbed aboard a blue Suffolk County bus for Hampton Bays. His publicist, "Hollywood Louie" Perrine, stayed behind, trying to change the topic back to Tracy's new movie "Hot Tocai Romance", starring Tracy and heartthrob Moxie Merlot.
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"This had a lot in common with the Paris Tasting" mused George Taber, the event's moderator, and author of the definitive book on the subject. "People didn't have a clue then either!" Taber was placing damp cloths on the forehead of the New York Cork Report's publisher, Lenn Thompson, who was briefly unconscious after opening a bottle of the Scholium Project's 2004 Babylon. "He's coming around now. You need to be careful with big wines like that" Taber mused. Once the Scholium Project was poured for the panel, stories of epic ports started to flow from the panelists. It was an evening of big wines contrasting with elegant and sometimes spare wines from New York. Andy Erickson's Arietta On the White Keys followed the Ravines Finger Lakes Riesling; Dave Phinney's Papillon followed the 2008 Long Island Merlot Alliance Merliance; and two Abe Schoener wines made on opposite coasts illustrated differences in climate, philosophy, and style. Roanoke Vineyards' owner, Rich Pisacano, said "The chance to blind taste wines from all over the world, and expand your and knowledge is what this is all about. I'm still a little worried about Lenn, but I think he'll be OK."
Rich Pisacano, George Taber, and Pascal "Zuggie" Zugmeyer Smack it!
He wrote the book! George Taber!!
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